should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
should auld acquaintance be forgot
hey everybody, it´s rapture time
i was staring at the clouds from a 747
when i saw that there were thousands
getting sucked up into heaven
and i knew that armageddon time was nigh
when the captain said,
"on your right there´s mother teresa floating by"
oh, i could here the passengers behind me start to cheer
when he said, "looks like the whole non-smoking section´s disappeared.
but don´t you fear, even though i´m outta here
you´ve still got the navigator

he´ll stay with the rest of you fornicators and atheists,
insurance salesmen and bigamists,
and certain televangelists and such
and by the way, thanks for flying with us"

chorus:
well it´s one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
taken away from their rv´s and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly electrolux on super suck
and i´m stuck here in sinners company
jimmy swaggart, my mother-in-law and me

driving home from the airport
the highways were all clear
except for cars with nra bumper stickers on the rear
i pulled into a burger joint
gave my order to a sweet blonde who said,
"would you like some fries with that?"
zoop she was gone
i finally made it home
i couldn´t take it anymore
when i saw my friend the jehovah´s witness
who preaches at my door
he was rising higher and higher saying,
"what do you think about that?
na na na na na...thupt!
and i heard...splat!

chorus:
well it´s one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
taken away from their rv´s and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly electrolux on super suck
and i´m stuck here in sinners company
madonna, my mother-in-law and me

now´s the time to fear the most
armageddon´s getting close
when you hear the holy ghost
who you gonna call, ghostbusters?

i went to see a friend of mine,
the one who drives a ford
with the little sign on the window
"holy rolling with the lord"
well, she hadn´t yet been raptured
and it made her real upset
she´d been counting on not paying her american express
she sat poised like a debutante
waiting for a date
and when she finally did get raptured she cried
"jesus you´re late"
me, well i was staying
i said, "hey what i do wrong?"
when a voice from up above said,
"you´re the schmuck who wrote this song"

chorus:
well it´s one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
taken away from their rv´s and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly electrolux on super suck
and i´ mstuck here in sinners company
rush limbaugh, my mother-in-law and me
and you sitting there
you missed the rapture too
happy new year