joining the cult þarký sözü

performed by adam sandler and allen
transcribed by big brother.
[sounds of basketball being shot around]
sandler: "hey man, i´m joining a religious cult."
allen: "now, that´s ridiculous."
sandler: "well, i´m joining it, so you gotta sign up too."
allen: "what are you talking about?"
sandler: "hey, don´t fuck me on this, man, just sign up."
allen: "no, i´m not going to join a cult!"
sandler: "i can´t believe you´re pulling this shit on me after monday night --"
allen: "what?
sandler: "-- i wanted to watch monday night football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show -- i did that for you!"
allen: "yeah, well, you kept flippin´ back to the game."
sandler: "i wanted to see the fuckin´ score! whadda you gotta do that´s so fucking importnat you can´t join the religious cult with me?"
allen: "well, i was gonna go sunbathing."
sandler: "oh, boy, no no, i don´t think you should do that. because this guy, russell -- he´s the leader-guy of the cult --"
allen: "-- yeah --"
sandler: "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches about the sun being bad, like the beast can´t come out because the sun´s too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something -- you show up all sunburned and that guy´s gonna get pissed at you and me!"
allen: "well, i´m not in the cult, so i don´t have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!"
sandler: "look, i´m -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy´s been saying -- some of it makes a lot of sense!
allen: "well, good, but i don´t want to join the cult. we can still hang out; i just won´t be in it with you."
sandler: "the point is, i´m not gonna have time to hang out with you because i´m gonna be fuckin´ busy with this fuckin´ cult!"
allen: "so i´ll visit on weekends -- we´ll work it out."
sandler: "no, the weekends are like the busiest time -- that´s when we go to flea malls and fuckin´ malls and talk people into joining, man!"
allen: "can i join for just a little while? i told my dad i´d go visit him in florida in three weeks."
sandler: "well, just, we´ll ask then, but we gotta join now."
allen: "what´s the hurry?"
sandler: "there´s a girl i wanna meet there, what the fuck´s your problem?"
allen: "well, i mean i don´t really have to believe in this stuff, do i?"
sandler: "no, no, just fuckin´ tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go, "yeah, fuck the sun, i fuckin´ hate it too, long live the fuckin´ beast."
allen: "i don´t know, man. this is crazy."
sandler: "look, they´re gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you´re gonna get food --"
allen: "-- it´s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?"
sandler: "it´s gonna be a haircut, all right? you said you need a haircut, they´re gonna fuckin´ cut your hair. you´re going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin´ do it!"
allen: "do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?"
sandler: "yeah, sure, and if she doesn´t, she´ll go out and recruit one for you!"
allen: "well, all right. but, hey, if i don´t like it, i´m going to escape, man."
sandler: "ok, that´s up to you."
"three weeks later!"
[chanting repeatedly] "the night time is the right time! the night time is the right time!"
sandler: "hey buddy, are you glad you did this?"
allen: "oh, this is the best thing i ever did. thank you."
sandler: "you´re not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?"
allen: "you know, it´s like they said. it was the only way to save him."
sandler: "you´re a good guy."
allen: "you´re a better one."
[chanting resumes]