(heaton/rotheray)
well sitting in a bar alone
where no-one knows your name
is like laying in a graveyard
wide awake
you´re scared that if you cough or yawn
you might wake up the dead
so pretend to read a paper
or just drink instead

i´m a stand-up comedian
but i´d sit down if i could
the world just seems
to want folk like me to stand
and the punch-lines seem to disappear
like clouds across the sky
and the laughter could be real
or could be canned

rum by the kettle drum
whiskey by the jar
at liar´s bar

well living with a lying man
could never really hurt
but living with a drunk
well no-one deserves
and you´re looking for your husband
you´re not sure he´s still alive
don´t bother with the cemetery
he´ll be down at liar´s dive

i´m a travelling businessman
i just stopped in for one drink
you´ll find
that i´m not like the other men
their noses are red
whilst mine is only pink
and they didn´t choose their drink
their drink chose them

rum by the kettle drum
whiskey by the jar
at liar´s bar

and the grave-digger´s smiling
at his reflection in his spade
he´s visiting the seediest
the shallowest of graves
the vocal chords of elephants
and the characters of mice
they´re singing "whisky, whisky"
so good they named it twice

well don´t pass buildings with lights on
if i said that i did i´d have lied
´cause what looks like a chinese restaurant
may have chinese new year inside
and son all my life i´ve been searching
the bars i´ve been in i forget
the lights outside ever brighter
but a light on the inside not yet

rum by the kettle drum
whiskey by the jar
at liar´s bar

and he´s a world-wide traveller
he´s not like me or you
but he comes in mighty regular
for one who´s passing through
that one came in his work clothes
he´s missed his last bus home
he´s missed a hell of a lot of buses
for a man who wants to roam

if i look rough i am rough
if i look sad i am
if i look broke i am broke
just a broke down piece of man

i´ve turned over enough leaves
to fill an autumn
and if i had one final wish
i´d be your slave for a decade
if you could take me away from this
if you took me away from this
i´d be different you´d see
´cause i didn´t choose the drink
a drink just chose me

rum by the kettle drum
whiskey by the jar
at liar´s bar

well i´m smoking like a chimney
and i´m drinking like a fish
at liar´s bar